How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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