Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?

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(904): View more from Florida

Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..

Fav 2 848 437
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.

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