I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
