My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
