So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
