babies were throwing up all over the place
I love having hate sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
