This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
