I'm really into asian looking animals
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
