3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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