time to smoke my breakfast
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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