My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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