A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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