Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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