I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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