I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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