It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im holly from the hills drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize