Apparently you make a good broom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize