I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
