saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
