Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
