This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
