found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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