Cold hands, warm shart.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So drunk its hurt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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