Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
