Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize