I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
