How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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