shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
