Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
