i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
