The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
