2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
