I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
