im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
