THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
