I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
