I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
