return my video game
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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