I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
