11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
