Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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