Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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