he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
