the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
