what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
