walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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