whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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