Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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