I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
