I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
