Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
