Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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