I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
