i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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