Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
