I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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