Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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