My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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