Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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