My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
