I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How does one acquire holy water?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
