I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
