thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
