You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
