but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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