There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
