Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
