my vag is so smooth its legendary
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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