she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
