he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
