She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize