whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
