the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Less talking, more tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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