Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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