I cannot find my penis.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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