meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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