The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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