you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The air was thick with penises
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am one with the molecules
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
