You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
