She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
