its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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