I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
