I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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