all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
