It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
