If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need water and some morals
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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