i permit you to call me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
