life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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