My sheets look like a crime scene.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
