You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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