Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
