i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
