Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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