worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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