help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
