Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
