the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
