The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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