First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
