Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
