life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
