People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
