I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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